Lies, whoppers or tall tales

[griz]

OK, I’m looking for the biggest fib, exaggeration or fabrication you have heard of. I’ll start and since I feel drift coming on, this one IS firearms related.
My friend and I made up some conversation pieces by necking up a 223 case and seating a 45 ACP bullet. They looked funny and in the course of showing them around one of my co-workers looked at it. He is the type of guy who doesn’t claim to know it all but does claim to have seen it all. He proceeded to tell me about his friend who had a gun chambered for that round and told me about the ballistic advantages of big bullets in small cases!
Your turn.

 

[yankytrash]

Not quite as good as that whopper, but I got one worthy of passing on.

Went to the local surplus store last fall to get my yearly supply of surplus camo cargo pants for the coming winter at work. Brought my wife's cousin with me.

I was digging through the piles, looking for my size, when the owner walked up and asked how he could help. Kind of a big, overweight guy with a Marine-issue hat that was two sizes too small for his huge head, and some clothes on that looked like they needed washing a week ago. I told him my size and he pointed me to a pile of of night camo he just got in.

He says, "This here is the desert camoflauge. This was issued to the troops in Desert Storm." I say, "Really, are you sure?" He replies, "Oh ya, I get this kind of stuff in all the time."

My wife's cousin turns and looks at the pile of night camoflauge. He smirks. He picks up a pair of tan desert camo pants and tells the owner, "That's funny, my sargeant handed me these as we loaded up to head to Saudi Arabia."

My wife's cousin put in his 4 years in the Army as a cook and the trigger man of a 50cal during Desert Storm.

It was hard to keep from laughing as the man rung me up that day.

 

[MPH]

A guy at work said his brother who does competition shooting, has a rifle that spits the bullets out at 6000 fps. Not only that, but gets 1 " groups at 1000 yds. All I can do is smile and nod my head.

 

[HankB]

A rifle maker/accurizer used customer testimonials in his advertising about the wonderful accuracy of rifles he's worked over. According to his ad copy, one of his customers had a .308 redone, and commenced shooting one-hole, five shot groups . . . at 600 yards . . . with iron sights. (Run the numbers. Worst case: Even if the bullets are strung out in a line, that's around 0.2 MOA, which is respectable even in most benchrest matches!)

 

[Marko Kloos]

I think the "Raging Glock" has to be the worst told-in-earnest exaggeration I've heard lately. Someone by the handle of "doomfish" claimed to have a buddy who converted a Glock 21 to .454 Casull, making the magazine out of metal and getting it to hold 16 rounds while fitting flush. He also made the barrel out of titanium, and managed to get the magazine fit by "adjusting" the grip.

 

[Zundfolge]

One of my favorites is one I've heard from several people, and that's where they claim they converted their AR-15 to fire full auto just by filing [insert trigger part here]

My Dad (who did 2 tours of Viet Nam) says he's met more Viet Nam era Seals, Green Berrets and Recon guys then you could shake a stick at (most of whom are obviously too young to have been in the service at the time).

 

[First On Race Day]

Guy behind a counter of a pawn shop tried to sell me a Spanish Mauser that I had asked to look at. He told me that this was issued to Special Forces guys who don't want to be compromised as being U.S.
Being the smartass that I am, I stole a line from "Red Dawn"and replied, "I heard those SF guys are some real baaaad asses."

Oh, and for me, he would make a gooooood deal. He would let me steal it from him for $350.
I got out of there without laughing in his face. It was the least I could do.

 

[Don Gwinn]

Big deal....you're right, there are a LOT of SEALs out there. But I only recall one SEEL, so he wins in my book. He was also the one who exposed the fact that Spec Ops units use bullets made of a highly advanced metal alloy which would fire and behave as a normal bullet but melt at body temperature so that no evidence is left behind. I can just see it now:

Dr. Aziz: "I'm not sure what caused the death of our glorious leaders Bin Laden and Omar, but one thing is for sure--they weren't shot by American Special Forces. There are not being any bullets in the chests!"

Lowly Taliban Grunt: "Uh......but, Dr., are there not several most deep and bloody holes drilled through their hearts? How do we explain this?"

Dr. Aziz: "Hmmmm.......spontaneous explosion? It's not like I'm getting paid a lot for this, you know. Maybe you could cut me some slack."

LTG: "Spontaneous Coronary Explosion it is, Dr."

 

[C.R.Sam]

And of course the youthfull ones who were Army, Airforce or Marine SEALS in Viet Nam. Yeah, right.

Sam........old nuff to know better, but don't.

 

[Art Eatman]

Then there are the umpteen jillion guys who have those Sooper Dooper Wunder Thumpers. You know, the kind where you hold right on a deer's back at 600 yards and hit him in the heart?

Then there was the sergeant instructing all us Basic Trainees on the Garand. First, he harped that it is a "gas-operated, semi-automatic shoulder weapon". Then he went on at length to explain that the chamber pressure was 50,000 pounds per square inch. That meant that 25,000 pounds pushed the bullet forward, and 25,000 pounds pushed the bolt back.

I wisely remained silent. (Yes, an admittedly rare event.)

, Art

 

[Joe Demko]

I never get tired of hearing about how FMJ spitzers behave in combat i.e. a guy gets hit in the ankle and it exits from the top of his head.
But my real all-time favorite is the one I heard from a WWII vet about how he emptied a 30 round magazine from an M1 carbine into a charging Japanese soldier's chest, but then had to drop him with a single round from his .45 (just before the Japanese would have decapitated him with a katana), so ineffectual was the .30 carbine.

 

[A.Rex]

First on race, that was First Blood, man. But you're forgiven for quoting movies from ten+ years ago.

The best whopper I ever heard was at a Gun Show (no suprise!).
Some fellas had brought their militaria set ups as it was a big show and this one guy had a mock mg42 with the tripod, German jeep and the whole deal, even a motorcycle and sidecar. I was reading the owner's manual for the guy and this other fellow in his late 40's shows up.

"Yeah, those German machine guns are real cheap." He says. Me and the owner look at him and the owner walks off. I ask the guy what he means. "Oh, they were just thrown together, I've got a bunch of 'em, didn't hardly cost me anything."

I still didn't understand the guy, but thought I'd bait him a little. "Yeah, I heard the m60 action was pretty much taken from the mg42, a copy..." I said.
"Nah, it's not like an mg42. I've got a couple of those as well, they're different." He says.
"m60's" I say, "you've got some m60's?"
"Oh yeah. They were real cheap after Vietnam too. Picked 'em up for $150 a piece. I've got a whole table full of 'em."

Now I'm thinking the guy is completely full of pu, but I decided he was too much fun to talk to, so with a bag full of beef jerky, I got the time.
"So, uh, what else have ya got?" I ask.
"Oh, just about a bit of everything."
"Real ones? full auto?"
"Of course," he says, "not much good if they aren't."
"Mac-10s?"
"Yeah."
"M-16's?"
"Unfired, Colts."
"MP5's?"
"A couple."
"Really? wow! What do they shoot like?"
"Oh. Fast. They're fast."

By now everyone was out of hearing range, so I move a little closer and say, "That's a large stockpile. I'd be worried with all that paperwork making me look like a one man IRA storehouse."
"Oh, it's not on paper." He smiles.
"No..." I act surprised. "Well then, could I come see some of these? you see, I'm really interested in military small arms."
"Nah, it's all locked up and hidden, got to keep away the thieves you know."
"Sure." I say. "Got any pictures?"
"No. That's stupid to advertise." He says.
"So is talking to an undercover ATF agent at a gunshow." I shoot back. (Hey, I figured he was lying his head off, no reason I couldn't tell a little one back). That was about 2 years ago. I wouldn't even joke about being ATF now. Nothing funny about them anymore.
He tells me to F' off and nearly runs away. I just laughed... and still do when I remember the look on his face.

 

[444]

Griz, I pulled the same kind of stunt. I found a pile of .50AE brass lying in the desert one day, I picked one up. When I got home I stuck a .50 BMG bullet in it and told everybody at work that I had a derringer in that caliber. The bullet is as long as the case.

The ones about a bullet just bouncing around inside the body is a good one. It appearently has enough energy to perferate some organs to kill but bounces off others. Must be a smart bullet.

Then there is the hollowpoints that open up into a "buzz saw" and just cut everything up as they rotate like a saw blade (Black Talons ?). Never mind the fact that the speed with which the bullet rotates is fixed by the twist rate of the barrel, and that twist rate might allow the bullet to rotate once in the thickness of a human body and any bullet fired from that same barrel will rotate at the same speed.

At the range the other day; A guy asks me what I am shooting. I said a 9x18, it is something like a .380. He says, those .380s are hard hitters. I said, compared to what ?

You shoot them center of mass so that it takes thee guys out of action to carry him back. Back where ?

I have heard that story about holding on the top of the deer's back so many times I have come to expect that as part of any hunting story I hear.

 

[RKCheung]

Guy who said he was in Army SF. Guess he was a great shot because he could get fist size groupings with a M9 at 200 yards.

 

[Bogie]

There's one old dude who hits St. Louis area gun shows, and sells mostly cleaning stuff... He's got a couple of cartridges for some super-duper .14 (or smaller) calibre - Goes really, really fast, and the shock wave alone from a near miss will scare critters to death...

But what really took the cake with this guy was when I heard a rather horrid screeching sound from his table, and I look over, and some poor SOB has his new used rifle (with enough copper in it to start a penny factory) on the guy's table, and he's just whalin' away with a stainless steel brush... Yeah, it'll get the copper out, but hey, it'll also get the rifling...

 

[KSFreeman]

During undergrad worked at a large gun store in Indianapolis. I think it was 90 or 91 when Die Hard II came out. I had several people come in and ask for a Glock 7. (I was patient with them, thank you very much). However, one 300# GSC actually said he owned one!!!! I asked him to bring it in--he never did; what a surprise.

 

[Kaylee]

Well, I did hear this one about "right of the people" referring to the right of the States to maintain a National Guard.... does that count?

-K

 

[freeride21a]

I am not SF, but i have a beef with wannabes, because of a friend, and some experiences that I had while working with him. If you ever run into somebody saying they are a SEAL, go here!

http://www.cyberseals.org/wos.htm

it is the NAVY SEAL "Wall of Shame", it has lists of phony's, as well as a way to check on someone claiming to be via email.

 

[Bruegger]

Ran into one of those "Gun Show Commandos" recently.

Guy heard me talking about Mausers and out of the blue starts talking about how he was a Scout/Sniper in the Corps in Viet Nam.

I asked him what unit he was with, and he says "Third." Just "Third;" not Third Battalion, First Marines or Third Force Recon or whatever. Immediately I thought "oh, no it's one of them."

Then he launches into this endless story about how the "Third" was really working for the CIA and was totally top secret and how he spent all his time in Cambodia and Laos and so forth.

Let's see. He's with this totally top secret unit illegally in Laos and Cambodia, and he's gonna just blab all about it to some guy he runs into at a gun show?

Where do these guys come from?

 

[Destructo6]

A.Rex, you stole my correction. Wow, when I was a kid, I watched First Blood every day for a few months. I had every line memorized, all 12 of them. Gault: "You'd better fly this thing right or I swear to God I'm gonna kill you."

On those evil Black Talons, I overheard a vendor at a gunshow tell a potential customer that these things would immediately expand upon exiting the barrel, flying through the air with talons extended to kill. Well, I coughed and milk shot out of my nose. Funny thing is, I wasn't drinking milk at the time. I proceded to set the vendor, who insisted for some time, and the customer that they would have to hit something fairly solid to expand.

How about the forearm hook on HK weapons? You know it's not really for the 3-point sling, but for hanging on a hook inside your tent.