Daughter wants a gun

[TimSr]

Really, if you've only shot with a her a few times, you are really no more qualified to choose her gun than a stranger on an internet forum.

This really is the perfect opportunity to invite her to a range with you. Many ranges even have rentals to try before you buy.

I'm trying to read a lot into a text post, but from the tone it sounds like something more is going on here. You don't seem to be embracing this new common interest, and appear to even be opposed to it, and I'm wondering if she is not wanting your involvement in this, because you don't seem to be thrilled about it. Are you volunteering to buy her your choice of weapon to insert yourself into it?

You also completely left out the live in boyfriend's role? I can't imagine he is a bystander in this decision.

Just seems to me that choice of which weapon to purchase is not the biggest issue in this dynamic. Or maybe I'm completely wrong.

 

[Independent George]

What is your specific worry about her? It souds like you tried to teach her when she was younger, but she wasn't interested then. If that's the case, this sounds like a good opportunity to go to the range together and bond over a shared hobby.

Or do you have worries about her maturity to handle a gun? If that's the case, then it might be a good idea to find a good instructor to talk it through with her; some things tend to get tuned out when it comes from your parents. Then again, she might surprise you - people can change a lot more than you think, especially in their 20s. Knowing absolutely nothing of your situation, it's impossible for me to judge.

 

[Skans]

At 24, I had 3 handguns, and my parents didn't teach me the first thing about gun safety. Although, my uncle took me shooting since I was 12, so I wasn't inexperienced either.

Sounds like you taught her well when it comes to guns. Invite her out for a little Father-Daughter range time just for fun.

 

[walks with gun]

As gwillikers stated, get her AND the boyfriend to the range or sign them both up for some classes ( At least talk to her about it). It seems like a lot of 20 something year old men anymore have about the same maturity level as a 12 year old did years ago. If she get's a gun it will probably mean he thinks he get's her gun. Hopefully she made a good decision on a boyfriend and this won't be the case.

 

[T. O'Heir]

g.willikers says it best. Make the arrangements, pay for the training and take her and the boy friend shopping vs letting her pick a handgun that may or may not fit her hand properly. Not sure what it is you're worried about though.
"...At 24, I had 3 handguns..." Ditto(more than 3, though, I think. Had money in those days.), but without the uncle.

 

[rt11002003]

Our grandson is 18, lives in Germany with his German father and American mother (our daughter). In 2014, when visiting us, he expressed a desire to shoot some of my guns. Because of his age at that time, my local range required a parent to accompany and sign for him. So, it didn't work out, but I did teach him safety and handling. When he returned home, he went to a local range and was taught pistol shooting with an air gun. On his last visit, he and I went to my local range a couple of times and shot one of every caliber I owned: .22lr, .38 Special, .357 Magnum, .380, 9mm, .45ACP, .223 and 5.56mm.

He's had a good start. I was especially happy to have the shooting taught by a stranger.

 

[TailGator]

How have the rest of you handled this?

My youngest daughter took an interest in shooting in her early twenties after being completely disinterested before that. She knew the basics of gun safety, but I reviewed them and we started going to the range together. She is a very good shot, and when she decided she wanted her own pistol, I bought her choice and gave it to her as a college graduation present. She now lives in a place where gun ownership is highly restricted, so the pistol stays in my safe, but it is still hers and one of the things she always wants to do when she visits is go shooting with her dad.

I wonder what OP thinks of the boyfriend. As some have mentioned, that is a variable in this situation, and if he is thought to be volatile in any way that could be a reason for the seeming reluctance to see his daughter buy a handgun.

 

[RolandD]

I'll weight in on this because my family's goal for this year is for all of us to get our concealed carry permits. You can read more about that in my blog.

My daughters are 18 and 21. The 21 year old has learned to consider decisions before she acts on them, and has done this for several years. I trust her to be responsible when she gets her handgun. My 18 year old still acts on impulse without a great deal of forethought. I trust her to not handle MY guns, but I am not, currently, comfortable with her having one of her own. She also doesn't get to drive on her own, yet, either.

Here are a few reasons I feel this way: She loses her phone at least twice a day; she rarely remembers to take her keys when she leaves the house; she has left her purse while out shopping or at a friends, a number of times; she loses things in her room, constantly; and she has misplaced, at least, a dozen phone chargers in the last five years. There are more, but I do see her getting better and becoming more responsible. Just more slowly than her sister did.

I'm still going to teach her how to handle a gun, take her out to the range, and all four of us will be taking the concealed carry course soon. Maybe in a year or two, she'll get her sister's or my wife's gun as a hand-me-down.

So, to the OP, you know your daughter better than we do. Do YOU feel that she is responsible enough?

 

[stonewall50]

My 24 year old daughter who is living with her BF wants to get a gun. She is an adult and I cannot stop her but it does make me nervous. I have taken her shooting a few times and tried to teach her gun safety. She plans to take a gun safety class which eases my nerves a little.



She is interested in a Ruger SR9C which should be a decent first gun. I just hope she takes gun safety seriously. I grew up around guns and went hunting and shooting regularly. Gun safety was stressed at a very young age.



How have the rest of you handled this?



Nervous Dad

She is 24. She is an adult. You won't be able to tell her how dangerous a gun is. You can't even show her. You have to put the info there so she learns it herself. Remember how you were? But I think you got it.

 

[Shimpy]

The new shooter first has to have a respect for what the gun can do. My father had me shoot into 2x4's to show me how much power one cartridge can have. With the knowledge that the bullet can go thru many I gained a respect for what I held in my hand and what it could do. It made me remember to not point the gun at anything that I didn't want to shoot. It's a lot better than showing you it can punch holes in a paper target.

 

[JDBerg]

OP, your daughter needs structured training geared to a female gun owner before she needs a gun; I strongly recommend that anybody's wife, daughter, mother, sister, aunt, etc. take advantage of these NRA Women on Target training programs;

http://women.nra.org/womens-instructional-shooting-clinics/find-a-clinic-near-you.aspx

 

[ROCK6]

As a father, you know best your daughter's maturity and competence to handle a firearm, especially if she grew up around them. Still, I would go the extra mile and get her some additional instruction...confidence is best built by repetitive training. Get her some training and buy her about 500 rounds to practice with.

Next up would be a CCW class to get her license; most classes discuss how to first avoid situations needing a firearm and how to handle a post-shooting event (at least both of my classes did).

I would be a little leery about the boyfriend; he's the unknown factor and much depends on how well you know him and trust him. A good Christmas present would be a small biometric gun safe for your daughter.

If she's comfortable with the SR9c, it's actually a decent pistol and one my wife selected from several in that size range. She doesn't like it so much for concealed carry unless it's winter clothing, but she loves it for home defense and range training. Magazines are a little expensive but I've bought her several and highly recommend a Maglula-loader to save her fingers...my wife loves her loader!

If she lives near you, make a few range dates and invite the BF if you're comfortable with that situation. Training is probably the best investment you could give her regardless of her age.

When my daughter turned 21, the first thing she asked me was for her gun and about getting her carry concealed license (which she has yet to do!!). Girls are across the board, often more mature than boys...if you raised her right, I wouldn't be too worried.

ROCK6

 

[Nathan]

This is a tough question for me. I have a daughter nearly the same age considering similar things.

In my daughter's mind, it looks like....Gee, I'll get this little handgun around n case something bad happens, like my husband suggests.

In her husband's mind(Marine), it looks like she only needs to get this gun to be safe cause she'll use it like a Marine.

In my mind, this looks like.....daughter wants to get gun because husband thinks it good idea. No plan to learn it. No decision pre-made on when/how to use it. No training. No practice. Just have.

My solution....buy her a book that roughly answers the question of....so, I want a gun to defend myself, what next...I even offered to read it to her. There is a system here.

First you decide that you have the will to be prepared and to defend by necessary means against attack.

Then, you begin the basic education of what does this mean. The NRA has several classes which seek to explain this.

Then you, armed with will and some forethought, set out to adequately arm yourself.

Then you seek training, licensure and more training.

Then you realize this is a perishable skill and seek a repetitive practice pattern.

.....and so on.





My key point here is will to prepare and defend must come first. When buy a gun comes first, danger, accidents, being killed with your own gun, leaving your gun unattended and other bad stuff can happen.

 

[Chaz88]

In her husband's mind(Marine), it looks like she only needs to get this gun to be safe cause she'll use it like a Marine.

Got to be careful thinking along those lines. My daughter has had Army combat training and is proficient and comfortable with a rifle. That did not transfer over to hand guns when she decided she wanted a concealed carry gun. She is getting there but it has been a slow process. I am a certified instructor and have tried several times to get her to take a class with someone else. But so far she only wants to work with me. She takes instruction from me well but I still think it would be better if she had some range time with another instructor.

A contributing factor is that, unfortunately, when she was younger I was unable to introduce her to firearms much. Duty stations, time, and a place to take her interfered most of the time. Fortunately with my younger daughter I have had extensive opportunity and she has quickly become comfortable and proficient with every firearm introduced.

 

[Clock]

I would buy her a copy of "In The Gravest Extreme" by Massad Ayoob and encourage her to read it. The book does give a new gun owner a new prospective on how & when it's appropriate to use deadly force. It certainly altered my views.

Also a gun class (NRA?), that explains your states laws & safe handling of a firearm.

 

[rodfac]

Clock, an excellent suggestion. Any of Mas Ayoob's video presentations would be of value.

I would buy her a copy of "In The Gravest Extreme" by Massad Ayoob and encourage her to read it. The book does give a new gun owner a new prospective on how & when it's appropriate to use deadly force. It certainly altered my views.

I'd add/suggest that you'll have better luck getting her involved in the absolutely necessary training, if you include her BF. If you feel inadequate in doing the chore, get a good NRA certified trainer involved...a thorough check out of the individual you select is mandatory.

There are a bunch of self-promoting "trainers" out there who don't have much of a resume, if any. The fact that an individual owns or works at a gun store/range complex is no guarantee that he or she has the necessary credentials. I'd suggest one of the defensive handgun training schools with a first rate reputation. Front Sight in Nevada or Gunsite in AZ come to mind.

Lastly, if it's a first gun for them (gotta include the BF as well), an auto with its complexity would not be my first choice. But with a good trainer, it will work if they're truly interested in becoming proficient.

Best Regards, Rod

 

[pilpens]

how is she on her everyday responsibilities?
how does she normally handle stress and/or conflict?
how is she with accountability?
how is the boyfriend (attitude, character, ...)?

If the issue is just lack of gun knowledge but the correct attitude is there, then I would be fine with her owning/keeping a gun. I would even encourage it. Father-daughter range trips, classes, etc.

 

[Paltares8]

As said previously, I'd try and take her, and maybe the BF to the range with you and kind of show them the ropes. Maybe try to not make it seem like thats what you're doing as that can put some people on the defensive. Also I would ask her why she wants a gun, why now, etc, with out attacking or trying to influence her one way or the other. If she's never had an interest and this is out of the blue I'd also try and get a feel if the BF is kind of pushing it on her, for whatever reasons. As for the SR9c, its a great gund, my EDC, and I would recommend them to MOST people. My wife has a hard time racking the slide sometimes, and I've seen that posted on numerous forums and reviews of the pistol. Not a problem for me, but maybe have her try one out at a range or at least try racking the slide before you/she buys it.

 

[kraigwy]

Teach her to use a revolver...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Then suggest a .38 Special revolver. Why?

a) A simple "manual of arms".

b) Inherently easier to use under "stress-fire" conditions.

c) Far more "idiot-proof" under adverse conditions.

I'm a huge fan of revolvers, Carried one before I got into LE, carried a revolver for 20 years until retirement, and have carried one every since, and probably wont change any time soon.

Having said that, I've learned that the above quote doesn't stand true today. There are several find pistols that fit the PROs listed for the revolver in the quote.

The OP mentioned the LC9s, That is a perect example. I picked one up for women to try as an alternative to the revolver in my women's firearm class.

Though the revolver is the first choice, many have taken to the LC9s like a duck to water.

Give the ladies a choice, and let them make the choice.

I pushed my daughter into getting and carrying since she was old enough to legally do so, and she does, I didn't pick her gun(s) she did. I did push training, and she took up that advice and does pretty good.

I started my kids out young. At 10 she was going though Hard Ball in my Gold Cup like a pro. Saving grace was it was Guard ammo and I didn't have to buy it.

Encourage, no INSIST, you daughers, wifes, granddaughters, to carry, if they can't afford training, pay for it for them. Keep after them, training should be continuous, shooting isn't like riding a bicycle.

And get off the macho ideal that we, men, know it all when it comes to what gun a person ought to have. My daughter is a lot smaller then I am, my guns don't fit her. Let the young ladies choose what fits and works for them.

I wont like my daughter/granddaughter, or wife, get into the truck without seat belts, but I don't expect them to use seat belts that I have adjusted for me.

 

[Wyosmith]

Kilimanjaro in reply # 2 sums it up excellently.

Training is the key. Make it fun so she loves it and she will become an excellent practitioner of gun handling and marksmanship.

She is about to start learning about a machine that is far less dangerous then the car she will drive to the training class.

"Worry is the price you pay for a problem that is not yet and may never be a problem."