Asking someone if they've shot/killed another person...

[Sparks2112]

Is it impolite/rude to ask someone if they've ever had to shoot someone else?

Here's why I ask.

I was at a friends house yesterday watching football when it came up somehow that not only was I in the army at one point, but I also currently carry a firearm. The friend who's house I was at let it slip at some point or another (he knew because I won't go in someone's house without telling them.)

So I'm sitting there, trying to enjoy the game when someone's girlfriend says "So, I bet you've had to kill someone before right? That's why you carry the gun around in case you have to do it again?"

Of course my first thought was if I can leave my pregnant wife at home to enjoy football why did you bing your D.S. girlfriend?

I very calmly answered that "I didn't see as to how it was A) any of her business and B) thought the question was quite rude considering the environment and the relationship, or lack there of, that I had with her."

She got real quiet and I could almost see her boyfriend make the decision to break up with her when they got home. (Maybe not that bad, but he was certain P.O.'d at her).

Any other similar stories?

 

[grymster2007]

Of course her question was rude. People ask a lot of rude questions. Often, not maliciously, but through ignorance. The trick is to calmly deflect the question, without being rude yourself. If she then accepts the answer and moves on, don't hold it against her. If she repeats the question, your response should get a little more direct.

I'd say you went a little overboard, if that was her first offense.

 

[IZinterrogator]

I'm also in the Army and I too think it is a very rude question to ask. Since I'm now an instructor, we try to avoid having people tell their war stories unless it pertains to the class and is technical in nature in case it sets someone off.

 

[Sparks2112]

I'd say you went a little overboard, if that was her first offense.

I probably over reacted.

I think it was the fact she was the only female present who; Had no interest in football, very clearly didn't want to be there, and was complaining very loudly about how silly a game football is/how stoopid (intentional mis-spelling) the fanatics are who watch it.

It was kind of a "Will.you.just.shut.up.already!!" moment.

 

[grymster2007]

It was kind of a "Will.you.just.shut.up.already!!" moment.

Understood. It's often difficult when these kinds of questions are posed, but I've learned over the years how to deflect them and still look like the good guy. That doesn't mean I always take my own advise, but it is something I strive to do.

 

[max it]

kill peope?

I agree, very rude.

"Protect her", would have been a good follow up on the why CCW now.

My friends in the Israel Defence Forces tell me third person stories but no one admits to killing or shooting:
war is hell, but better than other choices.

One poignant story is -During the invasion and occupation of southern Lebanon there was a curfew and the soldiers were told to shoot anything that moves out there at night. The IDF is made up of married men, fathers, businessmen, mature people, out on reserve duty, which one wants to mistake someone out for a **** at night for a Hezbollah fighter? and worse if it happens who wants to repeat the story.
Very rude but youthful mistake,
the bible says "a gentle answer turns away wrath".

Max

 

[hillbillyshooter]

Non-military here

I've never been in the military so I cannot speak from experience as far of the perception from someone being asked that. I have several friends that have served in Army and the Marines. The Marines seem a lot more willing to offer up the tales from the war. One of my friends enjoys talking about his two tours in Fallujah. I think that if the person is talking about firefights then it would be okay to ask if they ever hit someone. Just my opinion having not shot anyone. However, as the D.B. did in this story, that was very rude and terribly ignorant. I have heard people at the range do it too, usually women and young guys, go up to an LEO or guys wearing dog tags and say, "Hey, ever get to shoot someone?" Pretty dumb.

 

[ZeSpectre]

I think that most folks don't understand what an intensely traumatic and personal experience it is for a normal person to have to do another human bodily harm. They don't even realize how personal a question they are asking.

That said, what does it say about assumptions that fully 60% of the folks who find out I have an LE background will ask me if I've ever shot/killed anyone? Now isn't THAT quite the world view to have of law enforcement officers! :barf:

 

[KChen986]

About a year ago, I was taking a 'Military strategy and National Policy' class at Johns Hopkins/DC satellite campus.

One of my classmates was a Captain who had been recently promoted, I've always had an interest in firearms, so I asked him, 'Hey! You're in the army?'

And the first thing he responded with was, "are you gonna ask me if I've ever killed someone?"

I figure people usually don't want to talk about taking another life, so I make it a point to not ask.

 

[Don P]

CCW

IMO you should have slapped her silly and told her to get you another beer.

 

[Musketeer]

I have not been in the military and not had to pull a trigger in self defense (but been damn close). Still I would NEVER ask someone if they ever killed someone. If they choose to entrust me with such knowledge on their own I would be honored to be trusted by them to such a degree and have them share it with me.

This is the same as not asking someone who has been in service and seen action what it was like. I have a friend, much older than me, who served at La Drang and served 2.5 tours before going home due to injuries. I knew he had served and never asked him for the details of it. When he trusted me enough to voluntarily tell me about it without my asking I was honored to have him do so.

 

[Kreyzhorse]

I consider it very rude to ask a question like that.

My boss was in Vietnam and when its slow, he'll tell some stories that he's willing to share. I also spent a day with a an ex-Vietnam sniper. Short version is that he was in my office on business and he and my boss spent a couple of hours exchanging stories about their time. As I got to sit in and listen, both of them really shared a lot of stories and were both comfortable talking about their time in Vietnam. I learned a lot and it was a day I won't forget. The ex-sniper actually wrote a book about his experience that I tracked down. Not a great book, he was better in person, but he had one hell of a ride.

My Dad's brother was in Korea. I never knew that until a few years ago. Anyway, he came home and never spoke of any thing that happened to him there.

In summary, some people are more than willing to talk about their time in the military and others won't even mention they were there. If people like to share stories, I'll listen, otherwise, it's rude as hell to ask if any one has shot another person.

 

[Sparks2112]

IMO you should have slapped her silly and told her to get you another beer.

I was carrying at the time, no alcohol for me.

 

[Wildalaska]

Thats usually the first question I ask folks...instead of Hi, how are ya it's Hey, ever shot someone to death?

WilditworkswondersAlaska ™

 

[grymster2007]

Hey, ever shot someone to death?

And my answer "no, but I'm gettin' real close... can I help you?"

 

[overkill556x45]

It's quite rude to ask, particularly in the fashion mentioned above. Some people see us war vets as a traveling freak show. When I first got into college, I got asked once a day "Hey, you just got back? How many people did you kill?". I'd usually find a way to nicely explain that you just don't ask people that question. I'd usually ask why they wanted to know as well. I'd get a few moments of stammering, and then it would dawn on them that it was an asinine question in the first place. My military experience has ZERO to do with the situation at hand.

In the proper setting, I will tell non-specific war stories, but never in detail unless it's with my closest Army buddies, or it sheds necessary light on some training.

In short, they don't need to know, and you are at no obligation to tell them. Additionally, they only want to know (usually) because the idea of killing someone is so novel to them. Ask why they want to know, and they usually have second thoughts.

 

[Skans]

Yes, it's rude, but mostly it's ignorarnt. I recall asking somewhat of a similar question when I was 16 or 17 of a Vietnam Veteran - don't recall the exact context any longer, and I don't believe I just blurted it out like that girl did (or at least I hope I didn't). He was kind enough to give me an "answer" without answering the question, but letting me know how serious that subject was to him, and that his war experiences were not something that he discussed casually.

I understood exactly what he was telling me - I even remember the expression on his face - troubled a little by whatever question I had asked, but understanding.

 

[GPossenti]

I think it was the fact she was the only female present who; Had no interest in football

But had every interest in killing!

 

[IZinterrogator]

Thats usually the first question I ask folks...instead of Hi, how are ya it's Hey, ever shot someone to death?

I called Ken this afternoon to put down a deposit. I expected "Wild West Guns, can I help you?", and got "Hey, ever shot someone to death?" instead.

 

[Keltyke]

It's absolutely NOYB!!! Having to shoot and possibly kill isn't a game and I don't think anyone keeps notches on their grips.