your spouse and firearms

[vikingextreme93]

First off I hate the idea of having to hide something from my wife but she hates handguns so she thinks I only have my SR9 although I had before we met a P94 and just last week bought a CZ75..I collect knives and spend a lot of money on softball equipment so she dont care about the money. anyone else have to "not disclose" there handguns owned to avoid an angry spouse?

 

[The Tourist]

I've known my wife for 42 years. Trust me, tell her the truth.

 

[Brian Pfleuger]

Don't hide things from your spouse. Period.

 

[Bellevance]

I can sympathize, but I do believe it's best to come clean voluntarily about your interests and significant possessions before your wife inadvertently learns somehow that you have been deceiving her--even if it's just about gun purchases. And, if you stay married, she will eventually find out. Better to let her know beforehand that the man she has married has certain strong interests (which do not affect her or your feelings for her) that she may not entirely approve of.

She needs to be given the option of reluctantly approving or accepting. If the rest of the marriage is working OK, then she will accept you for who you have forthrightly shown yourself to be--even if her acceptance may be grudging. If she won't accept your firearms ownership, then the marriage is probably badly compromised in other, more fundamental areas. Better to find that out now.

 

[Sarge]

I need to hide mine. Not because she'll get mad...she just keeps 'adopting' them faster than I can buy them and in greater numbers than I can afford.

Still- I ain't complaining.

 

[warnerwh]

My wife has different political and religious views than myself. We respect each others thoughts and feelings. Long story but she's done a 180 on guns and my daughter enjoys shooting very much. Long cry from when we first met I got our daughter a squirt gun and you know what her mom said: We don't have guns in this house! That was scary and I nearly said screw it but she was willing to compromise and has learned that firearms aren't dangerous, people are.
She's learned a lot now that she has learned more than what the media would like to have you believe. I guarantee you she's glad I keep a loaded gun in the house and has all the faith in the world in me. I'd sure hate to think what would happen if I needed it to protect my wife and/or daughter but had to get shot and stabbed instead while they get raped and beaten. In the end you have to be honest and respect each other or you may have unnecessary problems.

 

[jfrey]

I can't hide my firearms from my wife. Besides being a bad idea from the start, she is the one who keeps buying them for me. I haven't bought myself a gun in years.

 

[svaz]

Just come clean. It seems to me that women take far more offense to guys hiding something than vice-versa. Also, if you have kids, it'll be a whole new battle about guns, religion, etc. Better to get her to accept you and your views now before life gets complicated.

I won't say I haven't hid things from my wife, nor that I won't in the future, but things that are integral to my personality (like politics, and by extension, guns) I tend to be upfront about because it will cause a fight, sooner or later.

 

[LeadFistExpress]

Both my ex-wife and my current girlfriend have no problems with the guns at all. My girlfriend likes to shoot with me and completely accepts that I carry as well.

I do not think it is wise to hide anything like that from your wife, but only you know what is right for your relationship. If you could come clean without ruining your relationship though, it might be a good idea to do so.

 

[abber]

I don't mean to brag, but.....

For some reason, my wife wants me to have whatever guns I want. She doesn't "get it", as far as caring about guns herself. But when I want one, she either will talk me into getting it, or go get it for me herself. I was recently waffling on getting a new LCR, and after going back and forth about it for a couple of weeks, she called me one morning and told me I needed to stop at the gun shop on the way home from work to do the paperwork for my new Ruger. "Happy Valentine's day", she told me. I'm gonna keep her, I tell ya.

 

[Silverado]

Don't ask, don't tell.

Everybody is different and marraige is the art of compromise. My wife and I have been married almost 21 years, yes, to each other, and she knew when she took me on I had motorcycle and firearm "baggage".

I don't necessarily consult her about buying a new gun- with a growing famliy it has only been an issue a few times anyway. I was pretty vague about exactly what classes I was taking when I did the CCW stuff, and she only found out I had a permit to carry a year later when my 11 year old daughter was going through my wallet one day at the table and pulled the card out and said "What's this?" She knows I carry, but never askes about it- she seems to enjoy regaling friends about how her right-wing-conservative husband even has a gun carry permit.

She was anti-motorcycle for a time as well and that vice was also like a pre-nup between the two of us. She has softened on the bike thing over the years to the point that she bought her own Intruder 800 three years ago and is planning on trading onto a H-D this spring.

I sense she is coming around on the gun thing as well. Don't know that she'll ever carry or even go to the range with me, but I don't get a rise from her anymore when I get the guns out to clean and handle them. As you get older, accumulate stuff, buy a house, have and raise kids you become more appreciative of what you've worked for, and of course insanely protective of the offspring.

 

[CK_32]

Women always know and if they dont they WILL find out..
And when they do your in for a few weeks on the sofa
haha or at least your wont plan on getting lucky for a
while. I on the other hand am lucky and my gf doesnt
mind the firearms being she came from Ohio and her
family is big on hunting.

but never hide anything from a women. Your just asking
for twice the trouble you were in before.

 

[mrnkc130]

I concur with most posters here, eventually they will find out what you have bought, and you will pay twice as dearly for it. I am currently serving a 1 year no gun purchase sentence over a $100 gun part. Although I have been able to convince her to let my buy a suppressor this year, the deal cost me dearly.

My situation is different from yours though, my wife is more upset about the money I spend on "toys" and not inherently anti- gun. Good luck!

 

[J.Netto]

I don't hide any guns from my wife. She's not really into it - But, she doesn't care what I buy.

 

[Uncle Buck]

My wife notices little things and she would notice a new pistol.

I promised her I would never lie to her and even if it meant some uncomfortable times between us, I have always told her the truth. Rose and I may not like something the other does, but the love keeps our marriage going.

She has come to understand that this is my hobby and the other option is I could take up drinking again. I hated to drink alone and that would mean going back to the bars...

We have no children, so if I did lie to her, no one but her or I would be hurt by it.

Tell the truth, take yer lumps and let her know how much you love her.

 

[N.H. Yankee]

Well, here's where my 38 years of marriage and numerous firearms purchase's comes in handy. I buy a dozen rose's, stick as many stems down the bore as possible. I get home, ring the doorbell and present my wife with her rose's. Hint remove all thorns, they hurt like H#LL when your pulling out of your know where!

I always talk to my wife about any major purchase, we each have our own slush fund to spend any way we wish and while my wife doesn't shoot often, she owns her own revolver. I think when woman are afraid of guns it two things fear from ignorance or fear of violence from being brainwashed by the media. A good long talk and perhaps a session at a firearms class may help.

 

[m.p.driver]

We were both M.P.'s in the Army,so she isn't some little prime and proper girly.Usually when presented with a recent purchase she asks did i buy her one too?Last anniversary she got a Glock 19,prior B-day she got a Bushmaster M4a3.When we take a road trip we have enough in the car to win a fire fight.

 

[THEZACHARIAS]

Actually, by posting on this forum, i give you 5 to 1 odds she knows now (after all, im 100% sure my wife reads all my posts on this site, despite her not being a member).

I dont recommend keeping it secret. In fact being up front with her about, and including her in your decision making process is probably the single easiest way to make her more comfortable with it, regardless of whether she is interested in going to the range with you.

I might get bit for making a blanket statement here, but women tend not to be as angry about what you are hiding, just that you where hiding something from them in the first place (unless your hiding something REALLY bad; if she finds your human ear collection or pictures of your other family, thats a whole nother story...)

 

[pax]

So sad. Why marry someone you can't share your life with?

My husband cares about the money, but cheers my interest in firearms even though it's not his thing. I would never make a major purchase without clearing it with him, and he gives me the same courtesy.

Thank goodness. I feel sorry for anyone trapped in a relationship where they feel they have to lie or hide.

pax

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not. -- Andre Gide

 

[44 AMP]

agree with pax

If you feel you have to hide anything from your wife, you were not ready to be married to her, or she to you. It may be the only thing where she isn't absolutely perfect for you, but if she hates handguns and you need to hide them, you have trust issues (among other things) that will likely poison your marriage if nothing changes, given enough time.

And it may not take all that long!

Fess up, and sit down with her to decide what is really important, making her happy?, making you happy? or finding some compromise that you both can live with. Most of the time, people who "hate" guns do so because the don't understand them, or trust themselves, or anyone else with them. If you wife doesn't trust you with a handgun (or several) ask yourself, why? Then ask her. You might get quite a different answer.

Until then, you don't have anything to build on to make a good marriage. Love and lust are what gets it started, but friendship, understanding, and trust is what keeps it going. It may not work for you, but its been working for me and my spouse for 30 years, and its the best advice I can give you.

good luck.