Please, don't take offense, I'm just being a smart*ss.
American military officials in Baghdad have begun a crash program to outfit the entire Iraqi army with M-16 rifles.
Translation: Bush gave us a ton more funding and we have to spend it.
"We in the U.S. know that the M-16 is superior to the AK ... it's more durable,"
Translation: Col. Stephen Scott, "We in the U.S. know that the M-16 is superior to the AK."
Reporter, "How is it superior?"
*Crickets chirping*
Col. Stephen Scott, *thinking* "Um, it's cheaper......no. Easier to train on......no. More reliable.....no. More customizable..(Looks at Tapco catalog)...no."
Reporter, "Sir?"
Col. Stephen Scott, "Um, it's more durable."
The Iraqis have embraced that ... and the fact that it is U.S. manufactured and supplied. They are very big on U.S.-produced materials
Translation: Because they don't have to pay for it.
So far, the U.S. military has helped the Iraqi army purchase 43,000 rifles - a mix of full-stock M-16A2s and compact M-4 carbines
Translation: replace "helped" with "given".
"Our goal is to give every Iraqi soldier an M-16A2 or an M-4," Scott said.
Translation: We have no idea if we can achieve this. It's only a goal.
"And as the Iraqi army grows, we will adjust."
Translation: We will move the goalposts as needed.
Scott added the mass of AK-47s from various manufacturers floating through the Iraqi army's inventory could cause maintenance and reliability problems.
Translation: I have never taken an AK-47 apart.
Getting both U.S. and Iraqi forces on the same page when it comes to basic weaponry is part of the argument for M-16 outfitting.
Because at the rate we are going, we will be there for the next 30 years.
"I'm also a fan of AKs," Scott said.
Translation: Must make the pork barrel spending less obvious.
"But keep in mind most of these AKs have been sitting around in bunkers or whatnot for 30 or 40 years [and] are in various stages of disrepair."
Translation: We are going to replace them with M-16s that have been sitting around in bunkers or whatnot for 30 or 40 years and are in various stages of disrepair.
After seeing some of the firing range training himself, Scott added that he "asked the Iraqis how they liked the weapon and they said it was far superior, it was more accurate ... and more reliable."
Translation: Superior, more accurate, and more reliable than an AK that was run over by a T-72 back in 1991.
A system that registers each rifle with the individual who receives it using biometric data such as thumb prints and eye scans is meant to address concerns over U.S. weapons winding up in enemy hands.
Translation: There is no way we are going to prevent them from selling their weapons or deserting so we have to make it sound like we are doing something hi-tech to address it.
That's something Scott isn't going to allow on his watch.
Translation: That's why he's transferring to a different unit next month.
"These Iraqi soldiers know that this weapon becomes part of their person," he said. "And they also know that they are responsible and accountable for that weapon."
Translation: So they know they have to make it look like it was stolen.
"Most of the soldiers think they will be just like the Americans, and that is making them very happy," said Capt. Rafaat Mejal Ahmed, the Iraqi 1st Division weapons and ammunition officer.
Translation: We will do whatever is needed, just give us more cool stuff.
"They think the modern technology will make them more powerful."
Translation: Despite the last 50 years of Arab history proving otherwise.
The M16 does have some advantages over a Ak-47 design.
Translation: Like working outside a clean room.
First it is more modular than a AK, allowing the additions of rails system for all types of add ons.
Translation: There wasn't enough room on the AK for the CD player.
And it is also far more accurate than a Ak-74....
Translation: ...If you use the sights.
I hope everyone got a good laugh.
