I thought my skills at deescalating/avoiding conflict were pretty good until last week.
I was flown out of state by a new employer for training.
The job seems great but they assigned me to a trainer who was an alcoholic.
I mean, when he picked me up at the airport before noon on a Sunday, I could smell alcohol on his breath.
I initially dismissed it because he's an adult and I didn't yet know what a negative effect it had on his personality once he became really hammered.
He would be intoxicated every evening by dinner time.
Thing came to a head on Friday, at the end of the work week.
He purchased his 2nd bottle of 80 proof liquor of the week on the way back to the hotel in addition to his apparently endless beer supply.
We went out to dinner and within minutes, things grew ugly.
To show you how intoxicated and irrational he was, it began with me asking for a recommendation for which type of crab to order at this crab restaurant because I only rarely order crab.
He launched into drunken rants and was being insulting and disrespectful towards me.
He eventually told me to get out of the restaurant and refused to drive me back to the hotel. Fortunately, he did not escalate things into violence.
I had been respectful to him all week but finally lost it and clearly and loudly told him exactly what I thought of him and then left the restaurant.
It took a week of "investigation" by HR but I was cleared of any wrongdoing and still have a job.
I was in a tough situation, in a strange place without a car to get out of there.
The only thing I think I could have done differently would have been to call a cab at the first sign that things were going bad.
Obviously, deescalating conflict with an angry, intoxicated alcoholic is not an easy matter.
I tried to deescalate things and sent him a text 5 minutes after I left the restaurant. I let him know that if he offered me a sincere apology once he sobered up, we could move forward. He never replied.
I texted him one more time as I was preparing to book a flight out and, again, no reply.
What would you have done?
If I am ever in this situation again, I want to know how to handle it better.
When this guy wouldn't drive me back to the hotel, I figured it was close enough that I could walk back. Unfortunately, not being familiar with the area I got lost and found myself on a busy 10 lane highway!
Realizing I was in danger, I called 911 and they quickly had the Highway Patrol out to assist me. I calmly explained what happened and asked for an incident report because I knew this would become an issue at work.
When I got back to the hotel, I talked to a childhood friend for a while on the phone to regain my composure. It's about 9 or 10pm and I decided that my personal safety might be in jeopardy because of the trainer's highly intoxicated and irrational behavior.
I contacted my manager and insisted on being flown home immediately.
I was in a cab at 3:15am and boarded a 5am flight home.
I was flown out of state by a new employer for training.
The job seems great but they assigned me to a trainer who was an alcoholic.
I mean, when he picked me up at the airport before noon on a Sunday, I could smell alcohol on his breath.
I initially dismissed it because he's an adult and I didn't yet know what a negative effect it had on his personality once he became really hammered.
He would be intoxicated every evening by dinner time.
Thing came to a head on Friday, at the end of the work week.
He purchased his 2nd bottle of 80 proof liquor of the week on the way back to the hotel in addition to his apparently endless beer supply.
We went out to dinner and within minutes, things grew ugly.
To show you how intoxicated and irrational he was, it began with me asking for a recommendation for which type of crab to order at this crab restaurant because I only rarely order crab.
He launched into drunken rants and was being insulting and disrespectful towards me.
He eventually told me to get out of the restaurant and refused to drive me back to the hotel. Fortunately, he did not escalate things into violence.
I had been respectful to him all week but finally lost it and clearly and loudly told him exactly what I thought of him and then left the restaurant.
It took a week of "investigation" by HR but I was cleared of any wrongdoing and still have a job.
I was in a tough situation, in a strange place without a car to get out of there.
The only thing I think I could have done differently would have been to call a cab at the first sign that things were going bad.
Obviously, deescalating conflict with an angry, intoxicated alcoholic is not an easy matter.
I tried to deescalate things and sent him a text 5 minutes after I left the restaurant. I let him know that if he offered me a sincere apology once he sobered up, we could move forward. He never replied.
I texted him one more time as I was preparing to book a flight out and, again, no reply.
What would you have done?
If I am ever in this situation again, I want to know how to handle it better.
When this guy wouldn't drive me back to the hotel, I figured it was close enough that I could walk back. Unfortunately, not being familiar with the area I got lost and found myself on a busy 10 lane highway!
Realizing I was in danger, I called 911 and they quickly had the Highway Patrol out to assist me. I calmly explained what happened and asked for an incident report because I knew this would become an issue at work.
When I got back to the hotel, I talked to a childhood friend for a while on the phone to regain my composure. It's about 9 or 10pm and I decided that my personal safety might be in jeopardy because of the trainer's highly intoxicated and irrational behavior.
I contacted my manager and insisted on being flown home immediately.
I was in a cab at 3:15am and boarded a 5am flight home.
Last edited: