Mall Ninja sighting: off-duty

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Bruegger

New member
This is a no-s#$*er...

I ran into the Mall Ninja conducting a tactical resupply at WalMart.

Despite his tactical precautions to prevent being "made" (wearing mirrored sunglasses indoors) I was able to ID him based upon his mode of attire. He was in the full off-duty regalia - black BDU trousers, black T-shirt with paramilitary logo, belt festooned with pager and various utility pouches, etc.

I could not specifically ID what he was buying (doubtless there was a sale on black balaclavas), but I think it's likely he was restocking both provisions (gatorade and Ho-Hos) and ammo (Law Enforcement Only ++++P++++++ rounds for his Glocks with BarSto barrels).

Eyes gazing from side to side as he paid for his stuff, he marched out to the parking lot and boarded his black SUV with tinted windows and drove off into the sunset, ready to take on the hordes of criminals preying on the weak and helpless in our local malls...

Bruegger out.

Semper fi.
 
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Elizabeth Petersen

New member
Someone is cloning them

Whoa...sounds like the same guy I saw.

I think this is all an evil plot. I think some mad scientist is cloning them.

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! IT'S...IT'S....MAAAAAAAALLLLL NIIIIINNNNJJJJAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Lord.
 
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JimR

New member
I think we should post a bounty for candid pix of mall ninjas in action. Sorta like the mullet pix at mulletsgalore.com

It would be like "counting coup" among the plains indian tribes. :)

I'm going to have to start carrying my ELPH camera everywhere I go. . . .
 
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Southla1

Member In Memoriam
I am not going to mention the mall's name, but we have one not too far from here that has a "mall ninja" private security guard that must be at least 4'11' to 5' tall and has to weight at least 115 pounds. He carries at least 100# of stuff on his belt (no firearm) but has a night stick that is only 1" off the floor. I was waiting on a bench one day for my wife when he was walking by. There was a child about 10 years old that accidently ran into him as she was coming out of a store. Down he went! He had hell getting up with all his stuff on! I noticed when he got up (finally with the childs help) he was wearing a VEST under his uniform!
 
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shooter22

New member
I don't know of mall ninja's. I am regionally repressed. Does this individual have a sidekick? It sound like it should be a miniature poodle(black of coarse) if there were a sidekick.

shooter22
 
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Coronach

New member
OMG

Mall ninja pictures.

Thats too funny. We gotta do it.

Even better, these guys are likely paranoid...if they see you snapping a picture, they'll probably think you're casing the joint.

Too much fun!

Mike
 
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Elizabeth Petersen

New member
Mall Ninja Bounty???

Another Friday night in the city...

I knew who I was looking for. I knew him by sight...smell...sound. (Especially smell.) Big JimR had posted the bounty, and BY GOD I was gonna get my cut.

It was a tough assignment. I had my camera ready in the quick-draw pouch. I had my mirrored sunglasses. I had my Abyss-sized mug of Mountain Dew. I had my "borrowed" ATF-issued jacket with the words "DO NOT SHOOT ME PLEASE" emblazoned in dayglo orange on the front AND back.

I was ready to find my quarry:

WONDER BOY, ARMED SECURITY GUARD...savior of the planet, protector of potted plants, scourge of every two-bit loitering skateboard-riding rap music-listening preteen Terrasphere this side of Mall Of America.

So I sauntered on down to the local Mall. Kept my eyes peeled. I hung out near the food court, knowing that sooner or later HE would show.

I picked a spot with a good view of my surroundings. A table near the Foo Foo Gourmet,my back to the wall and all exits in plain sight. Nearby, wanna be gang-bangers threw handsigns like a bunch of epileptics playing Charades. I knew they would draw HIM out. I knew it would be soon.

He did not disappoint me.

I thought I heard the whistled melody from "The Good The Bad And The Ugly."

There he was. In all his black combat gear glory. My adrenalin surged. My heard pounded a quick staccato beat. Carefully, so as not to startle him, I slowly removed my camera and checked the charge. Everything was a "GO".

Wonder Boy had zeroed in on the bangers. His steady hands wavered above the Jumbo sized can of OC in the holster at his side. He strode confidently towards them, assured of his power and au-thor-i-TAY. I felt weak in the knees, watching him. Would I swoon before getting my shot?

I wiped the sweat from my brow. Licked my dry lips with a sandpaper tongue. My chance was NOW OR NEVER...

Going in. Cover me boys.

"SMILE FOR THE CAMERA!"

Click.

Wonder Boy whirled around like a stoned-out Dervish. His black fingerless-gloved hand came up, shielding his eyes from the brilliant flash of my camera. He squeeled like a weasle caught in the backwash of an 18-wheeler. I saw the OC can come up.

I dove over a pair of Grannies nibbling salads. Screams and shouts followed me as I tucked and rolled, taking cover behind an overturned jewelry cart. Wonder Boy was hot on my tail.

I knew I only had one chance to escape. Boldly, I stood, pointed my finger towards the center court fountains and screamed

"MY GOD! ARE THOSE PEOPLE STEALING CHANGE FROM THE WISHING POND?????"

My ruse worked. Wonder Boy reeled around and hotfooted it to the Theft in Progress.

I made my escape, secure in the knowledge that I had bagged the most dangerous thing on two feet. Or at least a picture of one.

Films in the mail, Big Jim.

Over and out.
 
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shooter22

New member
Best response to a post I have read this week(all forums).


Elizabeth, how do you keep a straight face when you write this stuff...

wanna be gang bangers threw handsigns like a bunch of epileptics playing charades...

I gotta go now, I need to clean off the screen.

shooter22
 
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Long Path

New member
Elizabeth, that kinda post is VERY likely to cost you!

There I was, bored, waiting for a tow truck to impound the vehicle from a DWI bust another agency made in my city. I decided to check in at TFL on the ol' laptop while waiting for the wrecker to arrive. Took a big sip of coffee, read your post and...

Well, let's just HOPE these Panasonic laptops are as bulletproof as they claim. It still seems to be working all right. (At least I didn't get any on my uniform...)
:rolleyes: :eek:
Woops! Wrecker's here!

L.P. out.
 
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blades67

New member
I'm going to put together a Mall Ninja uniform for this Halloween! "I love when a plan comes together!" I wonder if the Mall Ninja would notice that I was an imposter? Think he would come after me? (I'm trying to sound paranoid so the real Mall Ninja will be off gaurd when I try to take his picture.) Now all I have to do is find some "wanna be gang-bangers throwing handsigns like a bunch of epileptics playing Charades".
 
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Elizabeth Petersen

New member
heh heh heh

Long Path, Shooter...

Sorry about the damages. Just send me the bill.

This place sure keeps me out of trouble. All these smarty butt thoughts I have I can just post on here and get it out of my system. Oh, and Lord does my Jaybird mouth run way ahead of my chickadee butt (especially when it comes to those gang banger types...I have a hard time not saying completely dangerous things like "Nice Do-Rag! I need to sneeze...you mind?)
 
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Elizabeth Petersen

New member
About that bounty...

You all just wait. You think I'm kidding.

I'm going to do this.

I AM A WOMAN ON A MISSION.

Stay tuned for further details. Pictures will be forthcoming.

Over and out.
 
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ATeaM

New member
"I think we should post a bounty for candid pix of mall ninjas in action. Sorta like the mullet pix at mulletsgalore.com"

Thats actually not a bad idea. I wouldn't mind exposing some mall ninjas.
 
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CastleBravo

New member
Please don't go to mulletsgalore.com

I tried and it brought up around a dozen other pop-up windows and I never got to see the damn mullets. :mad:

C.B.

p.s. Elizabeth, you are funny as hell.
 
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JimR

New member
CB: I must have some really different browser/security settings. I don't get any additional pop-ups.
 
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Coolray

New member
I'm going to put together a Mall Ninja uniform for this Halloween!

Blades67,
Be werrrry werrrry careful(elmer fudd voice), If you do not know the Mall Nijna secret handshake, or have the decoder ring, or even the small but important lapel pin, then the real "Mall Ninja" will know you did not graduate The Mall Ninja Academy and therefore you are an imposter and an enemy and will be delt with severly!! So watch your back! He might have finally recieved is DE .50 for a duty weapon, You know how dangerous it is in the mall now that Payless is having the buy one get the second pair 1/2 off sale....Its a mad house.
 
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