"Mall Ninja Guns"

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Rampant_Colt

New member
I mean, what next? Muskets with EOTech sights and Surefire lights?
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Mossberg "Cruiser" variants
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Desert Eagle:
Proof you can polish a t*rd And plate it in 24k gold...

And hey, you just pwned five noobs on COD4 with it. AND got it gold plated. But that's fiction. In real life you buy one, your hands get tired after holding it for five minutes, you blow tons of money on a small amount of .50 AE ammo, bruise your hands firing it, miss every can you set up for targets, spend 10 minutes trying to fix the stove-pipe stoppage it had, and then finally sell it for a nice 1911 instead.
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I disagree with slamming the .500 S&W, though.. That gun actually has a legit market niche where people are on the menu, and not top o' the food chain
 
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Edward429451

Moderator
Unreliable and massive recoil are not words to describe Desert Eagles, thier words that identify people who have little experiance shooting real guns. :D
 
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Bartholomew Roberts

Moderator
That was pretty funny. I was surprised to see so many gun forum catchphrases in the text (mall ninja, the H&K "You suck and we hate you" line, etc.)
 
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blueorb

New member
"And hey, you just pwned five noobs on COD4 with it. AND got it gold plated. But that's fiction. In real life you buy one, your hands get tired after holding it for five minutes, you blow tons of money on a small amount of .50 AE ammo, bruise your hands firing it, miss every can you set up for targets, spend 10 minutes trying to fix the stove-pipe stoppage it had, and then finally sell it for a nice 1911 instead. "


Funny list, however, ..... Not sure which inept shooter they had shooting the DE but my DE was a very accurate gun. Wouldn't use it in any fast paced competitions but it was accurate. And it is fairly common knowledge that you have to use full factory load ammo in order to cycle the DE on a dependable basis.
 
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Sefner

New member
Man I love Cracked. Now I love them more. Required reading for the video game crowd (of which I am a part).
 
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Jo6pak

New member
Hey, I saw a UTG Tactical Mosin Nagant rail at a gunshow last weekend. Sorry, I was laughing too hard to stop an take a pic. Almost peed my pants.:eek:
 
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armoredman

New member
I went looking for more info on that PP-2000, funky looking thingf=. One link described it as having sonme limited use in Russian law enforcement, then stated "Featured in the following video games", like the fact a digital likeness ofthe firearm has absolutely anything at all to do with the gun itself! Egad.
 
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RimfireChris

New member
Well, I used to have a cruiser model, but what the heck, I was 19, needed a shotgun for HD, and the price was right. Gotta agree about pretty much everything else though. That coach gun wouldn't be too obnoxious without the rails though.
 
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Tom Servo

Staff
Hey, I saw a UTG Tactical Mosin Nagant rail at a gunshow last weekend. Sorry, I was laughing too hard to stop an take a pic. Almost peed my pants.
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Don't laugh, civvie. Retail security budgets have been deeply affected by the current economic situation. Today's covert enforcer must also be a savvy shopper when selecting his ordnance.

Our budget calls for a one-shot-one-kill rifle for when our primary battery of suppressed Walther P22's are not effective. The M44 carbine would be an ideal choice, but in its default configuration, it is difficult to affix a forward pistol grip and folding stock.

The UTG kit is lighter, and the average agent can install it himself in less than four hours. With the M1 Garands we formerly had, the guy at Battery Hut had to do the work, and it didn't always come out right. We then found out that resale value was adversely affected by the modifications we'd done.

Furthermore, as we often find ourselves in firefights with Latvian gang insurgents, 7.62x54R ammunition is easy to come by.
 
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gunmoney

New member
Tom Servo, are you a secret "operator" for one of the country's largest retail facilities? Do you duct tape rifle plates to your back every morning before you "deploy" to work?
 
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Tom Servo

Staff
Do you duct tape rifle plates to your back every morning before you "deploy" to work?
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I did try that trick, but I found that it was very difficult to remove the plate once I was "out of the zone," as we say. Duct tape really hurts when it pulls out the back hair.

You really need a buddy to attach it, and I don't want other guys touching me while I'm shirtless. Furthermore, the weight really reduces mobility.
 
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ClydeFrog

Moderator
Tactical type Coach 12ga shotgun, article...

This is a funny item. The Tacticool poster is great! :)
I would not put the big DE pistol or that Coach Gun 12ga on the list. I would buy the latest format Desert Eagle with the new slide & ambi style mag release(I'm left handed). The 12ga Coach Gun is a smart concept for home protection or as a EP/close protection detail weapon. With a Robar NP3+ or Black T coating and a white light/green laser aiming unit the 12ga could be a big help. A well made .357 or .44/.44spl DA revolver can do well for home defense but the Coach Gun shows what could also work.

The HK PDW is a funny point too. I saw the P90 a lot on the sci-fi series Stargate and it looks very impressive for a spec ops or EP detail weapon.
 
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