Ok so maybe not educational but certainly funny... I'm sure it's a joke.
AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown
Savannah night before last.
Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry
jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the
knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for
my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come
across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your
embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I
drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold,
and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought
me that Kimber Model 1911 ..45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had
picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree
that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't
it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back
to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure
it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes,
cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or
running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as
you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what
you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four
other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the
big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside
Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his
day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink
"pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield
and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex
numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line,
although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's
going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone
calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President
Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we
had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for
not killing you .... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more
appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you
try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and
can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps
reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember,
next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex
P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed
society makes for a more civil society!
AN ACTUAL CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown
Savannah night before last.
Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T.
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry
jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the
knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for
my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come
across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your
embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I
drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold,
and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought
me that Kimber Model 1911 ..45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had
picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree
that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't
it?!
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back
to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure
it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes,
cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or
running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as
you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what
you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four
other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the
big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside
Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his
day!]
I then threw your wallet into the big pink
"pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield
and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex
numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line,
although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's
going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone
calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President
Obama as my possible target.
The FBI guy seemed really intense and we
had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for
not killing you .... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more
appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you
try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and
can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps
reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember,
next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex
P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed
society makes for a more civil society!
