All current manufacture semi-autos ought to be able to handle standard loads without ftf's. A couple of wrinkles are particular to your specific situation, however: you're using compact nine's and you're running +p ammo through them.
The smaller the pistol the less mass in the slide, so the designers build in a heavier recoil spring to keep the gun from beating itself to death. Unfortunately, a more massive slide and weaker spring is more forgiving than a less massive slide and a heavier spring.
Two things may be happening: the first is that you may be riding the recoil with a soft grip, robbing the slide of energy as it comes back. As previously stated, lighter slides and heavier springs like this less than larger pistols. If this is happening, your ftf will involve the round stopping partially into the chamber.
The second possibility is less likely, and has to do with the pistol timing. When a pistol recoils, the rounds in the mag actually compress the spring and drop down as the slide is coming back. The weapon is timed so that by the time the feed rail is on its way forward, the top round in the mag has returned to the point where the feed rail will push it into the chamber. If your ftf's involve the slide rail riding over the top of the round to be fed, you've got a timing problem. You'll wind up with an empty chamber. Like I said, not too likely.
Bullet weight can affect point of impact because the speed of the bullet dictates at which point during the recoil the bullet leaves the muzzle. Heavier bullets with the same recoil impulse will hit higher because they are slower, and exit the bore after it has risen further during recoil. Bullet weight should not affect reliability because commercial ammo is loaded within a fairly narrow range of pressures (SAAMI). The pressure is what generates the recoil, not the bullet weight. Usually handloaders, who may be operating out on the edges of the pressure range, monkey with the recoil springs to facilitate the use of particularly light or heavy loads.
