deanf, I admire you
Takes guts to admit fear and lack of experience ... all of us who have owned homes had to go through our first purchase as well. I was ignorant as hell, and scared stiff. If you don't mind, let me offer a few tips.
If you've ever bought a car, or negotiated any significant purchase, buying a home is very similar. As the buyer, you are in the drivers seat. You may not feel like it, but you are ... they want your money.
For purposes of this discussion, let's confine this to a resale ('used car') home. There is probably a real estate agent involved for the seller. You would be wise to have your own agent to assist you, but remember - you're still in charge.
There will be an asking price, just like for a used car. Whether you pay that price depends upon the market. The best time to buy a home is when the market is depressed (buy low, sell high ...), and homes are taking a long time to sell. But, generally, buyers (like sellers) can't wait for the perfect market.
So, if the market is very, very strong, you will likely need to make an offer to buy at or nearly at the asking price. (In incredible markets, houses sometimes go for more than the asking price - unusual.) If the market is a bit weaker, you can 'low ball' the seller and see if they will bite on a lower price. Ask your agent to tell you what homes are going for in that area.
Not the asking prices - you want to know the sales prices of recent transactions, per square foot, for comparable homes. A good agent will do this for you without being asked.
So, there it is. They ask $100K. You offer $90K. They say 'no, we'll take $97K'. You ponder, discuss with your agent, and make another offer for $93K, and maybe you finally settle on $95K. There can be 'contingencies', like you had a home to sell, or you want them to pay for a home inspection which you must approve. After the inspection, you may find some defects that you want the seller to repair, and some defects must be repaired by the seller, by law.
The bottom line on buying the home - it is a negotiating process like a car or a used gun.
You'll probably borrow money to assist in the purchase of the home. Shop around for the best deal on money ... it's all green, you know. You want a lender than can perform on time, with the rate and terms you believe are reasonable in the market. How do you know what's reasonable? You shop around and compare.
The mistakes you make in this first purchase process are 'tuition' in your own, personal real estate school. Try to pay as little 'tuition' as possible.
Probably the most important part of this, IMHO, is to find a good real estate agent for your first deal. In later transactions, you may be better informed than your agent ... but, it takes time to learn. And, a good agent is worth it. Technically, the seller pays your agent's fee anyway (although there are tricks there as well, in a down market). Don't just hire your brother's friend - find a good agent, that is known as someone who knows the market, is a perceptive deal maker, etc. Interview that person as though you are hiring them for a job ... because, you are.
Home ownership is, IMHO, one of the most fundamental moves you can make towards your own financial freedom. I've seen lots of rent versus buy arguments - in the long run, IMHO, owning / buying your own home wins hands-down.
deanf, I hope you take the plunge someday - owning your own home is great. It is your 'castle', and can become what you want it to be within your means. Best wishes for your future purchase.
Regards from AZ
ps - be careful with homeowners associations - they can be a real problem for people who treasure their individual freedoms.