ME is a rough rule of thumb
for comparison only. There are a huge number of other factors involved. Light fast bullets can have the same energy as slow heavy ones. But their effect on the target can be radically different.
Size of the bullet (frontal area, as well as total weight) seems to be a major factor. The reason many bullets are made to expand is to increase the frontal area, and thereby their effect in tissue.
Speed is a factor, but not a linear one. Once certain velocity levels are crossed, the bullets effect in tissue changes, becoming more disruptive (if only temporarily) in any soft tissue.
I liked the comparison between the .22-250 and the .45-70. Both can have similar amounts of energy (a .22cal 50gr @ 3800fps is 1600ft/lbs, and a .45 cal 405gr @ 1350fps is 1640ft/lbs), but their effect on animals is radically different. While the energy is virtually the same, the size, weight, speed, and bullet construction are not.
While not availabe to those without guns, recoil is another rough (really rough) measure of a cartridge's power. Power, not calculated energy. But shooting different guns, and noting the different level of "kick" will give you a really rough idea. Many, many other factors are in play here, but you get the idea (I hope).