I'm feeling a bit cynical today, so...
Welcome to America - 2001
We have freedom from religion instead of freedom of religion, thanks to the ACLU.
We have freedom of speech as long as it is politically correct.
We have freedom of the press; which allows our media to slant the news to fit the agenda of their elitist owners, instead of simply reporting it and letting the reader decide what to think.
We have the right to peaceably assemble, provided we have proper governmental approval in writing and have paid a fee.
We have the right to petition our Government for a redress of grievances; provided that we are stinking rich and can afford millions of dollars in attorney's fees.
We have the right to keep and bear governmentally approved, low capacity, drop tested, ballistically fingerprinted arms for sporting purposes only. (Not applicable in CA, HI, MA, MD, NJ & NY)
We have the right to be secure in our persons and possessions against unreasonable searches and seizures, unless we encounter an official checkpoint, or we aren't wearing our seatbelt, or we have a large amount of cash, or we are in a nice neighborhood with the wrong color skin.
-Dave