Funniest /Stupidest military Commanders?

[labgrade]

Was a Selective Marksman (sniper/scout-type) on a military Tactical Team in a past life. After shooting varmits at long range w/a personally tricked .243WIN for ~15 yrs prior, I was sorely disappointed to be issued a stock M16 w/peep sight for long-range "OK, shoot the perp in the head while he's got a gun to the hostage's head" scenario. To make matters worse, we got to zero & qualify w/the trick l'il .22LR adapter which has about a 10" difference in bullet impact at 100 yds. When requesting real bullets of my head honcho, he stated that we were on a budget & that would be all, SGT.
Beings buds with the Amorer, I was able to check out a few 16s & a bunch o' ball, snagged a Colt 4X scope & went to the range. Came up with a fairly decent combo (still no eye popper - no pun intended) but way better than what I started with. Hiz Highness was gonna do the court marshal bit for theft of gov't prop, etc. till the Nice Cap't calmed him down.

That'll be all.

 

[George Hill]

I served under an Outstanding LT named Bowman. Airborne Ranger - he "Knew the face of his father." As all good officers are - he was promoted to captain and was given the entire company. Bully for him!
Sucked to be us - our new LT... LT Brown was a ROTC Butter Bar and we were his first unit, as he had just graduated. Nice.
He would hear no suggestions from anyone. Know one could tell him anything.
That SOB-LT on a LRRP lead us FIVE MILES away from our OBJ because he didn't know to compinsate Grid North from Magnetic North.

Hint to New officers and other green horns... You can command - thats fine... Just put some one else on point and let the Sargents to the Navigating... Okay?

[This message has been edited by George Hill (edited December 20, 1999).]

 

[bruels]

The finest lesson I ever learned on life came from a 1st Lieutenant (Mustang) at Ft Benning, GA. He said, "Ensign (Navy, me), the first time you quit is the hardest. After that it gets easier and easier. Don't ever quit."

 

[aztec777]

I had a butterbar straight out of OCS assigned as platoon leader and on my tank. Having experienced these "types", I promptly told him that he commanded, yeah right, the platoon, but I was in charge of this tank, the munitions, and the personnel, "sir". He promptly went to the CO and Top, but was told to shut his mouth and learn from the people who know what's going on. By the way, we were preparing to go to NTC for a 2 week training when this LT came knockin'. Was not fun. LT Erickson, have you learned to listen to enlisted personnel yet?

Steve

 

[Grayfox]

Wise words from a Command Sergeant Major I once knew.

"The most dangerous thing in the army is a second lieutenant with a map."

Smart Man, I always did like him.

 

[Oatka]

Long ago and far away, on another planet . . . U.S Navy, 1950's, submarine service, and, LT. SMITH.

On a routine dive, I'm up in the foward torpedo room and hear "Clear the bridge, clear the bridge!". I head to close the bulkhead flappers while another guy slams the bukhead door shut (normal dive precautions). Instead of the klaxon, we hear the collision alarm. Pucker Factor hit 4.0 and I can just SEE that Venezuela-bound tanker slicing us in half. The guys in the control room later reported that Smith, who was Officer of the Deck, sticks his head down, grinning like Daffy Duck and say, "Hit the wrong button". Sphincters were still tight days later.

Then there was the time he let a ship on a collision course get within 4000 yards of us, despite my repeated warnings that "bearings remain constant" (COLLISION COURSE, STUPID!). I was on radar in the conning tower, wondering if I could get out before the water came in.

Then there was the time when he sounded the air horn (3000 lbs air pressure = LOUD) to signal the New London bridge to raise up.
Unfortunately for me, he didn't check to make sure the deck gang was clear. I kept saying "Whaa?" for days.

And finally, there was the time when he let the guy on the bow planes lose control while we were snorkeling. We dipped the snorkle, which made the valve close, which meant that the diesels sucked the air from the interior.
The safety kicked in at the equivalent of 5,000 feet altitude and shut the engines down. Since me and two other guys had colds and couldn't equalize the pressure, we gave a good imitation of fish flopping around. Lost all my high frequency hearing in my left ear, which was a real treat, as I was the ace sonar operator.

As David Hartmann used to say, "Good times, good times".

I left the service (ask me why [g]) and never found out what happened to Smith. I know the skipper was trying to dump him. My boat (USS Picuda 382) never sank, so he must have been successful.

 

[OJ]

During the Korean "War", I was running, among other things, the X Ray dept in a 35 bed AF hospital and tried to get monitoring devices to monitor the amount of radiation my troops were being exposed to and thereby protect my troops from excess radiation if they tested high in any week. The 9th Air Force surgeon's office refused to issue these devices to me despite the fact I quoted the AF Reg that required the use of monitors for units using fluoroscopy, dental units, or portable units of which we had all. As the base Preventive Medicine Officer, I started reporting myself for operating out of compliance with the applicable AF Regulation each month. The command surgeon called me and told me to "Leave that item out of the PM Report". I told him I couldn't hear him but, if he would write me a letter, I would do whatever he wanted. He hung up on me and I never got the letter which I'm sure he knew would have gone directly to the AF Surgeon General. He continued to deny the request, the reason for which was never clear except I think it had become a personal matter between him and me, and I continued to report myself for being out of compliance with AF Regs for the next year when I returned to civilian life. In the end, I guess he won and my troops were denied the safety measure they deserved. Read Colonel Hackworth's books about how upper commanders at times ignored the safety of the troops at http://www.hackworth.com.
It was my feeling the stupidity of that command surgeon - a bird colonel MD - amounted to either malpractice or criminal negligence.
------------------
OJ
NRA LIFE MEMBER
Gun control is a steady hand and hitting with the first shot.



[This message has been edited by OJ (edited December 21, 1999).]

 

[Al Thompson]

OK gang, here are a few "real NCO" stories.

1st platoon I had my PSG was the most squared away looking SSG you ever want to see. VV, 173rd Abn, Bronze Star with "V", Purple Heart... Fell out of runs constantly, was on a first name basis with all the IG personnel (kept turning me + the CO in), finally went to sleep during an ARTEP live fire exercise. Fired him and he went to the Replacement Det as a full time CQ - proceeded to lose $3000 bucks and retired as a SSG.

One of my young SGTs lead his squad off of Hoenfels one night. Seems that "don't cross the hardball" meant something entirely different to him than us.

Had another SSG leave his rifle on the bus when we went to Hohenfels one time. Had to borrow a car from a buddy to drive to the bus drivers house and recover the M16A2.

Had another SFC leave the butterfly (trigger) assembly for a .50 on the trin when we went to Graf.

Had an Eingineer SSG teaching a class on the M21 mine - found him using a live mine and caps.

Checking positions at NTC, found one of my SGTs wandering around the area looking for something. Asked and was told that all sensitive items were accounted for. Got smart and asked his driver what the deal was - they had lost a .45 the night before. Decided not to tell anyone about it. My PSG found it and in addition to the youngsters reduction, he found out what an old army PSG thought about the lying!

(but I do have more butterbar stories han NCO stories. *grin* )

Giz

 

[Ed Brunner]

I had a Battalion Commander in Vietnam who pulled a slick off of a combat support mission to send a birthday cake to the DivArty CG.
I was a 2Lt and had the distinct honor of serving with some outstanding NCO's who let me be in charge every now and then, but most importantly gave me the benefit of their experience and their counsel.

------------------
Better days to be,

Ed

 

[RikWriter]

I was an infantry platoon leader and I did meet some incompetent 2LTs but I have to say the stupidest officer I ever met was a full bird Colonel promotable, the Brigade commander, whose favorite passtime was to HIDE BEHIND TREES and wait till he saw someone screw up then jump out and curse at them. He used to do this to the enlisted until the Sergeant Major took him aside and told him "That's not your job sir" so then he went to junior officers. I tremble when I think that man is probably a two-star today.
But the stupidest soldier in any command position I met was perhaps a squadleader who had been attached to a SF unit as an RTO during Panama and who flouted that combat patch like it was the Golden Fleece, neglecting to mention he had never tabbed out and had exactly zero rounds fired his way.

 

[George Dickel]

Young 2LT who was the Shift Leader for our MP company at Fort Hood always chambered a round in his .45. It was pointed out to him that this was improper procedure but he said he wanted to be ready in case he had to use his weapon. One night after shift breiefing he and his driver were walking out to their sedan and the driver realized he had locked the keys in the car. Good ole LT says "I just shoot the lock off". He pulled his .45, cocked the hammer, aimed at the door lock and pulled the trigger. Shot a hole through the door. Forgot he had chambered a round earlier when drawing his weapon from the arms room. The Provost Marshal, a bird Colonel, ate him alive. He turned out to be a really good officer. It took a long time for that story to be forgotten.

 

[George Dickel]

While assigned to that same MP company at Fort Hood, I had a real dud SSG assigned to me as a Squad Leader. One morning after formation at 0 dark 30 while I was preparing to move my platoon to our polie call area, the 1SG called me back to tell me something. The dud SSG was my next senior NCO and I told him to take the platoon on and I would catch up. Our police area was across a 4 lane road that runs the entire length of the cantonment area and is a very heavily traveled road. As I was walking toward our police area I could hear someone shouting for who ever was in charge to get their a$$ over here immediately. Well my Squad Leader was marching the platoon single file across this road. Traffic was backed up 20 cars deep. I approach the screaming individual and it is the 1st Cav Div comander, General Julius T. Becton. I reported to him sayin I was in charge and he chewed me out for 10 minutes for blocking traffic. When you are a SSG all you say to a PO'd general is yes sir, right away sir, you are absolutely correct sir. When I found my dud SSG he said he heard the general hollering but decided it was wiser to hide. That boy stayed on my sh** list until I got enough on him to relieve him. He did every dirty job I could find or invent.

 

[SCHENGE]

Last time i was at NTC.....Less than a year and a half ago....I saw an order from an inexperienced officer lead to the tragic death of an enlisted man durring the live fire exercise...Not funny at all

 

[OJ]

Ed, I'll bet that some of these young studs on this forum don't know that a slick is a helicopter.

------------------
OJ
NRA LIFE MEMBER
Gun control is a steady hand and hitting with the first shot.

 

[George Hill]

Thats a huey covered in breakfree right?

or a huey that had a bunch of troops puke in it right?

 

[mcshot]

My selection is President Lyndon Johnson for his micromanagement of the Viet Nam war. What a waste!

------------------

 

[Grayfox]

If we're gonna share horror stories.
About 1973, Ft. Hood, Texas and a place called Manny Mountian. Two roads up this rock, steep and steeper. One day young dumb 2nd louie has his M-60A1 coming down road steeper. For no apparent reason he yells to the driver for a hard right turn. Yes, it is possible to roll a tank. One survivor, the loader, who never did know why the LT. gave that command.

 

[George Dickel at Work]

One night while working as Desk Sergeant in Mannheim, Germany sometime in the early 70's a read a serious incident report that passed through our station to be deliverd to our Brigade HQ. Seems a tank unit was moving an old WWII display tank from Kaiserslautern to the unit's new post. The tank was being towed by an M88 tank recovery vehicle in the right lane of the autobahn at 2200 hours. In charge was a 2LT who was riding in a jeep as lead vehicle but there was no trail vehicle. This was especially bad because the display tank did not have any operational lights. As you can guess along comes a German flying low in the right lane at about 100 mph and slams into the rear of the display tank. It took almost 3 hours to peel car and driver off the rear of the tank. After all was cleaned up off down the road goes the 2LT and his command, again being the leader he headed up the parade. Yeah, you guessed it, about 5 miles down the road along comes another low flying German and plasters himself all over the rear of the display tank. This time the german police wouldn't allow the tank to move.

 

[4V50 Gary]

If we're talking military commanders, I consider Field Marshal Montgomery of Alamein as one of the most overrated generals of all times. While he boasts of never having lost a battle, neither Operation Goodwood (breakout from Normandy) nor Market-Garden (airdrop on Holland with intend to open the road to Berlin) were a stunning success.

------------------
Vigilantibus et non dormientibus jura subveniunt

 

[George Hill]

Unlike Money... Bad Leaders do grow on trees.