Deep Concealment Help

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roy reali

New member
This Thursday I am scheduled to undergo a medical procedure. I have to have a colonoscopy, something that I am not looking forward to. I especially am not looking forward to going unarmed.

The facility that will do this procedure has NO WEAPONS ALLOWED signs posted at all the entrances. I am worried about being exposed without any way to defend myself.

I am not a law-breaker or want anyone to suggest that. I am looking for concealment suggestions. While hospitals might not be the most dangerous places in the world, they are not one hundred precent crime-free. Muggings and assaults do happen there. I just feel it is my God-given. Constitutional right to be able to defend myself.

So, how would you do this? How would you carry a gun if you were about to undergo a colonoscopy?

I figured long guns are probably out of the question. I wouldn't have any idea how to hide one without it being discovered. I do have several small handguns. While a firearm would be my first choice, maybe some sort of other weapon might do. Maybe I could hide a knife or even a can of pepper spray on me. I just don't want the medical staff to find it during the procedure.

I welcome any ideas. I would espically like to hear from folks that have gone through this and took a gun with them. How did you do it?
 
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Maromero

Moderator
Why do you have to go to a hospital for a colonoscopy?
Did you visit the doctor at his consultory first? Much more intimate and apropiate setting for the exam.
Are you visiting another Dr. for a second opinion?
Just asking since you brought it up.

Fanny pack or planer. Still, if the place is posted prohibiting firearms, don't break the law.
 
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Polydorus

New member
I've never had a colonoscopy but I've driven for a couple of people who have. They were told they would not be able to operate a car after undergoing the procedure. They didn't appear to me like they would shoot too well after it was over either, very groggy. Have someone drive for you. :)
 
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LukeA

New member
So, how would you do this? How would you carry a gun if you were about to undergo a colonoscopy?
Click to expand...

Well, they go up about 5 feet, so anywhere beyond there should be safe from discovery. :rolleyes:


Really though, if the place is posted no firearms, you'd be breaking the law by taking one. And you're going to be sedated, so you having a gun is a Bad Idea.
 
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Doc Intrepid

New member
Dude, please.

It is certainly your god-given constitutionally-protected right to protect yourself, no sweat. But to try to do so with a camera shoved up your rectum while you're laying there bloated and distended from having what feels like the right engine of a Boeing 757 blowing air up your butt is hardly realistic.

Have you ever enjoyed a colonoscopy previously? If not, you're in for a treat. You are in extreme discomfort; you feel sorry for the doctor and the assistant who are hovering over you, because the room takes on the odor of someone who is engaged in continuously farting for 45 minutes on a scale that you can scarcely imagine; and if - in the complex workings of a universe that seems hysterically perverse at times - you were to suddenly be assaulted in the middle of your colonoscopy, you'd likely rip off the bastard's lips with your bare hands - camera up your rectum and all. Hell, the nurse would probably assist you - they can't be enjoying your "procedure" any more than you are. (How would you like to stand there for 45 minutes and run a 5" cable up some stranger's ass?)

Leave the gun out in your car in the parking lot, and take your chances while you enjoy your colonoscopy.

And as was mentioned previously, you may want to have someone else drive you home afterwards. A colonoscopy is better than an E-ticket ride at Disneyland!

:D
 
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DogoDon

New member
When I have had colonoscopies, I had to strip naked and put on one of those backward hospital gowns. Deep concealment? Not hardly!!

Plus, I was given a dose of laughing gas when I had my procedures, so I was pretty much out of it.

Forget about it. You'll be safe in the hospital (at least from attackers). You're far more likely to contract a deadly disease there, than to be attacked.

DogoDon
 
K

Kmar40

New member
Your gonna be naked so there's only one deep concealment option.

You'll have to go deeper than the scope is going.

Good luck with that.
 
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Vt.birdhunter

New member
Ive had ulcerative colitis since I was 12, 33 now.
Years ago when I had my first, it was in a the docs office, with a mild sedative as they pump your colon with compressed gas so doc can see clearly.
My most recent, 3 years ago or so, was done in a hospital while I was knocked out.
Unless you request otherwise, they are going to knock you out, you will be unable to operate a motor vehicle when you awake, therefore maybe not at full wits enough where you want to be carrying a firearm. Not looking for an argument from folks here, but you will be groggy to say the least.

IMHO, have a "right hand man" with you, youll be in no shape or position :p to defend yourself.

BTW, I leave my holstered handgun next to my shower when Im in there, I believe in being prepared, but during a colonoscopy, REALLY???? REALLY???? LMAO:D Maybe if another man is inserting 2 meters of fiber optic cable into your holiest of holes, you can let this one slide and leave it in the good lords hands.;)
 
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chris in va

New member
Leave the gun at home or in the car...you won't be driving anyway. My friend had the procedure done recently and she said it wasn't bad at all. Don't fret.

I had the 'other' end done recently, an endoscopy. In no way was I able to drive and had my friend take me home. They do put you under.

My gun had to be left home anyway, it was at the VA hospital...a federal facility. NO GUNS!!:rolleyes:
 
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dsa1115

New member
Are you F&%#ing serious? Leave the gun at home or locked up in the car, or find another hospital. You'll be sedated having the procedure, the gun could get stolen, and you shouldn't be carrying if your all doped up.
 
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Jack19

New member
I'll second what DogoDon said. I too had to strip and put on a hospital gown.

Think of it this way; in one of those hospital gowns, the only place you have left to conceal is the same place they're going to be looking. :D
 
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horseman308

New member
If, like nearly every hospital I can think of (except VA's), the one you're going to is privately owned, then it is basically private property. That means that as much as you have a God-given right to protect yourself (and you do) in the way you see fit, so do they. And it is their decision to "protect" themselves by not allowing weapons on their own property. I imagine you'd be pretty angry if someone brought a concealed weapon on your property against your express and explicit wishes - it's the same for them. So, either find a different way/place to get the procedure done or have the courtesy to follow their rules while you're in "their house."
 
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cycleguru

New member
As has been said above, (and quite colorfully I might add) you're completely insane to even think of carrying a weapon while the procedure is taking place. If some sort of attack occurred during the procedure you wouldn't know it anyway because you'll be knocked out. And afterwards you'll be so goofy from the drugs that, if you draw your weapon to try to defend yourself, you'd probably shoot yourself in the foot (or worse)! :eek:
 
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johnwilliamson062

Moderator
This might be the most absurd thread I ha ever been able to enjoy on TFL.
I figured long guns are probably out of the question.
Click to expand...
So do you normally carry a long gun? DO you think a hospital is a more dangerous place than most and feel you need to carry there only? This post does not make any sense to me. Maybe I am just missing something as everyone else seems to be answering this thread seriously.

I wouldn't carry at all as long as it is posted no weapons. Of course, there is likely a doctors office/clinic which offers the procedure which is not posted.
 
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Bob F.

New member
When I had mine, we did the hospital gown bit. I can only imagine the lunch room conversations among nurses from the "butt & gut" room. And I had mine done at the same hospital i work at. Anyway, I remember the nurse injecting Versed in the IV the Doc hollering across the Recovery Room, as my wife was trying to get me to drink my coffee: "It's OK, Bob! Everything was good, just a couple little hemorrhoids!" "Uh, thanks, Doc.........."

Leave the gun at home.

Bob
 
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retiredcoasty

New member
Luke, PLEASE give a warning next time you write something like that! I just spit a drink all over my laptop! And that’s alcohol abuse!:eek:

BTW, my wife said to camo it in the right colors and maybe they won’t notice it!
 
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