There are two recoils; actual and perceived. Actual is a math equation involving the mass of the gun, the velocity of the ejecta and the mass of the ejecta (keeping it as simply put as possible) If there are two different guns that weigh the same and fire the same load, the actual recoil will be the same.
Perceived recoil, aka "kick", is how it feels to an individual. This involves action type, and even more importantly, stock fit - which is more involved than just length of pull. What I perceive as mild or harsh might be 180 degrees from your opinion on the same gun - even if we are close in height, weight, body build.
