St. Pete (long)
The comment about St. Pete reminded me. Guns in Heaven? Maybe.
[The item below was sent as a letter to a real magazine (not named Pistolero) with a note saying that it explained why the writer would not renew his subscription. No reply has ever been received.]
It was this way, Pete...
Like you probably know already, I read Pistolero magazine and really think it is the greatest, so I try to follow all the good advice they give on combat shooting. They have a lot of real experts who really know their sh... I mean, stuff, let me tell you.
Well I got all the equipment those guys say you need to be a great combat shooter, and I practiced a lot, then I got a concealed weapons license, and I felt ready to take on the world.
Maybe you don't think much of that, I mean the business you're in. Oh, you say you used to carry concealed yourself? I guess I remember reading about that - your boss really didn't care for the idea, did he? But I guess that is another story.
Anyway, one day - or rather evening - I was downtown in the city, and I see this young guy coming along and he looked like one of those punks, I mean really bad, and he walked up to me, or really sort of swaggered, like they do, and said, "Give it up man, all of it." Well he didn't even have a weapon showing, but I could see the bulge in his jacket, so I knew he was armed, so I did all the things I read about in Pistolero about combat shooting.
First, I put on my custom shooting glasses ($300 from See-em, Inc., Blotz, GA) and then my custom fitted ear protectors with the smart circuitry that blocks the sound of shots but lets you hear a pin drop at 200 yards ($500 from Muff-em, Inc., Klotz, NM). Then I pulled down my Pistolero cap with the gold braid. Then I had a problem because I didn't know whether to use an isosceles stance or a Weaver stance. Finally, I decided on the isosceles stance, and assumed a perfect position.
Then I drew my custom super accurized .45 ($6000 from Slick-em, Inc., Flotz, AZ) from its custom made, perfectly fitted holster ($700 from Draw-em, Glotz, IL). And I took a perfect two-hand hold, facing the punk squarely, and got ready to fire.
One handed? No, I never heard of shooting a handgun with one hand - I never saw anyone in Pistolero do that! Standing? Of course, I was standing, and right out in the open, too. I could have maybe ducked behind a car or a building, or even dodged to one side, but that wouldn't be macho and in Pistolero, no one ever takes cover. Pistolero readers aren't cowards, no sir!
Well, to make a long story short, the punk pulled out a cheap, chrome-plated Yorkin .25 ($39.95 from Throw-up, Inc., Plotz, CA) and put three slugs in my head, and so, here I am. And he didn't even use the proper stance! I guess he doesn't read Pistolero, because he didn't play by the rules and you just can't respect that kind of guy, no way!
But I don't know what I did wrong, Pete. I followed every rule I saw in Pistolero about combat shooting. I just don't understand.
You say that maybe I was a little too eager to get in a shootout, but defending yourself is OK? So I can go in now? Thanks a lot, Pete, I mean Saint Pete.
By the way, is there a combat range up here? And can I get Pistolero forwarded? It's really a great magazine.
Jim
